|Hope You Guys Make It!
||[Feb. 24th, 2008|03:08 pm]
There's been a bunch of things and topics I've been meaning to get to with this, and I keep getting distracted by life.|
I'm going to throw out one of them now, just to try and get the ball rolling and add the others when I can. I realize if I don't start somewhere, regardless of how lame or ill-written a start it seems, this won't go anywhere.
One of the congratulatory phrases I hear bantied about in generally monogomous circumstances is, "Congrats, I hope you guys make it."
I have wondered for six years (since meeting Robin and hearing it a lot) exactly what this phrase means.
How does one guage the sucess of a relationship?
At what point has a couple made it? At what point have they failed?
Is they only way to suceed holding hands together at age 85, as we smile together and face the final sunset?
Especially with poly, a lifelong relationship can not be the only measure of sucess. I would think it has more to do with why the relationship was formed in the first place, whether it had memorable and good aspects to it, and whether it achieved whatever goals were for it.
Someone in a poly foruem long ago commented that when a mono couple divorces after six years, they blaim each other or the relationship they formed. Not the decision to marry, or the decision to be mono. When a poly group disbands after five years, they say you failed because of the lifestyle choices you made.
Even after marrying Robin, I still got the same phrase, or in the context of the marriage. How long do I have to be married to Robin in order to prove my sucess at it?
And is sucess really the right question?
It's interesting that one thing poly forces us to reevaluate is how we chose to quantify relationships. Based not on longevity but on agreements between everyone.
What has been your reaction, do people telling you this phrase if you have? What do you see as the sucess of a relationship? Comments?